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Lost and Found

By Published On: December 8th, 2014
Going towards the goal illustration

What is your life goal? What do you hope to leave a legacy behind? I actually wanted to run a business and manage my family with the flexible time. Along the way, I realise it didn’t come in easy. First, the business is always unstable with ups and downs. Second, I realise I may not conceive naturally to start a family. What should I do?

I started with rounds of IVF, this time I conceived with twin. This is definitely a welcome sign after my first miscarriage in 2011. We took all the necessary precaution, I slowed down on my work, giving myself ample rest. Also, we discussed the options available to do a cervical cerclage in the hope of preventing my cervix from dilating early. We waited for the first trimester to test for Oscar scan, once all that is cleared, we opt to do for procedure.

On 8th august 2012, I went for the procedure to be done. It may be a simple procedure however it comes with complications as well. I might have infections which might caused miscarriage, likewise, my body might reject it as well causing the same thing to happen. I was hospitalised for 2 days to make sure all went well before I went back home. Back home, I start my own routine schedule of bed rest which I had trained myself into.

  • 8.00am – Wake up, brush teeth, breakfast, and check emails
  • 9.00am – Bed rest, surf net
  • 11.30am – Lunch time and clear some work stuff if any
  • 12.30pm – Bed rest, surf net
  • 2.30pm – Tea break, WhatsApp with friends to update each other, read a book or watch television
  • 3.30pm – Bed rest, surf net
  • 5.30pm – Dinner time, shower
  • 7.00pm – Lie on bed again

Everything went well and I was bed resting with my schedule until 1 day I had an abnormal swelling and was thinking if I should consult my doctor earlier. Who knows, my doctor was out of town and only back the following week. Then I decide to call another doctor in Bishan only to realize he is fully booked for the coming weekend as well. Not being sure what to do, I messaged one of my friends tell her of my situation. She urged me to consult a doctor soon saying we have too much at stake here to risk. On hearing her words, I also fear for the worst and decided to call my clinic again to check with any backup doctor in his absence.

Wasting no time, I tried to call another doctor in Kembangan only to realise he too was fully booked for the weekend. It just make me wonder how high a demand for gynaecologist is that when every of them are fully booked. However, I manage to receive a call from my clinic thereafter to ask me to go to A&E to have a doctor to check on me.

So without further delay, I headed to hospital and my hubby was being informed too headed to hospital from work as well. We called a cab and started getting ready to go to the hospital. Along the expressway, the traffic was slow due to a jam. It was not even peak hours and yet the road was already jammed up, it reminded me of that fateful day when I was making my way to hospital back in my first pregnancy. We finally reached the hospital with much delay. Walking into the A&E, I was impressed by their efficiency, I just told them my name and was wheeled to a bed without delay. My clinic had already informed the A&E of my arrival and they were expecting me. Soon my hubby arrived too and the backup doctor came as well to check on me. During the wait, I was fearful and my tears started dropping. My hubby consoled me and asked me to stay calm. He touched my stomach and asked my babies not to move so much to give me a good rest.

The gynaecologist was very assuring, he took a quick check on my babies to make sure there were still heart beats and thereafter check on my cervix. Next, he checked on my swollen area and said that it was ok too. Upon hearing it, I was definitely relived. He said to raise a concern only if it was painful, itchy or foul smelling. He said that there is no need for me to be warded but I can be warded if I was still worried. Hearing that, I immediately ask to be discharged and we made our way home.

What a scary episode and thankfully it was a false alarm. I had come a long way to this point, having miscarriage once and now with twin. It was not easy, a lot of sacrifices have to be made. I had lost some businesses and also I was lying down most time making my blood pressure dropped quite drastically to the extend that I may feel giddy at times. Having too much to lose, I just have to count each step at a time and looked forward to each milestone one by one.

However, things didn’t stop there. On 2nd October 2012. My twin, Elvis and Louis were born. At 21 weeks of gestation, they had no chance of survival at all. What’s worst is that, they were born alive and grasping for air. Their lungs were too immature to breathe on their own. I can only watched as they passed on. Fast forward, now I am still waiting to hold my baby in time to come while I wait upon God’s timing. During the process, I had written 2 books as well. The first book – To Baby With Love is about my first miscarriage and how I coped with it while nursing my health back. Lost And Found is the second book which I wrote after being encouraged by my hubby for some form of closure. I am an ordinary girl with a simple dream – to be able to raise a family and spend time with her children. After getting married in 2004, I started my own business and planned my life towards having a family of my own in time to come. However, things didn’t go as as planned. It was not as if you could push a button and pop a baby. After encountering two miscarriages, I came to realise that I could plan to the best of my ability but whatever happens lies in God’s hands. For more information, go to the website of www.feliciatan22.com.